Help Haiti

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/25/charlie-simpson-7yearold-_n_435234.html

LONDON — A young British schoolboy has raised more than 100,000 pounds ($160,000) Monday for Haiti's relief effort by cycling round his local park.

Seven-year-old Charlie Simpson was so upset by the images of Haiti's deadly earthquake that he asked his mother if she could help him set up a sponsored bicycle ride around a west London park.

Charlie originally hoped to raise 500 pounds (for UNICEF's Haiti appeal with Sunday's 5-mile (8-kilometer) bike ride, but his Internet page was flooded with donations.

He raised nearly 50,000 pounds in a single day. Charlie's story was splashed on the front page of Britain's Daily Mirror newspaper on Monday, and money is still flooding in.

"I want to make some money to buy food, water and tents for everyone in Haiti," he said on his fundraising Web site.

The effort drew the attention of Prime Minister Gordon Brown, with his office Downing Street posting on Twitter: "Amazed by response to the great fundraising efforts of 7 yr old."

The boy's mother Leonora Simpson said she was amazed by the response. "We put it on the Web and that was it, it suddenly took off and we can't believe it," she said.

Pursuit of Happiness: Understand that even the smallest creature can make a difference.

So, please help Haiti. One way thats super easy is just going on craigslist and check out the 'Haiti Earth Quake Relief' and do just something to help. Thank you. :)

Pick yourself back up.

I just found out my blogging job fell through. Turns out I don't represent their key demographic which is single women who buy more and worry less. It was a real kick in the balls. The second i'm up i'm down. But you know, you just have to keep moving and know that everything happens for a reason. So, I ate a doughnut, took a deep breath, and moved on. There will always be more blog jobs and opportunities. I just have to keep trying.

Pursuit of Happiness: Know that everything happens for a reason.

Sometimes its better to shut up.

Yesterday was really crappy then crazy awesome then super bad. I didn't get to sleep until like two and even then I woke up feeling tired. The past week i've had maybe a few hours of sleep at most. I finally got a blogging job for a two weeks worth of blogging. It's for a marketing company talking about my daily healthy consumables like green tea, vitamins, and health food. I'm super excited. It's a step in a new direction. Even before I wanted one all along but I was afraid to apply because I didn't feel like an adequate writer. But I pushed myself to do it and I got the job. I'm falling out of my boots i'm so excited. Its a great way for me to keep on top of my health too since I blog everything I put in my body. Who knew having a job could be so beneficial to my health!

It's the wave of the future. Jump on or jump off.

Pursuit of Happiness: Explore your career because, like some might say, 'You are what you do!'

Today i'm going out to lunch with my husband for the 7 dollars all you can eat soup, salad, and bread sticks at Olive Garden. It's the greatest deal ever. So, you guys find a way to go out even if it's a free show or a low cost meal. Happiness is about being happy doing everything and anything. It's nice to get out every once in awhile to explore a new venture or even a comfortable one with a loved one. And I know it's hard with this economy. But the key to balancing money isn't about what you dont have- its about making what you do have work!

Pursuit of Happiness: Economize your pampering.

the climb

There's this new show on MTV called the Buried Life. Normally I only watch MTV for a good laugh or a study on popular culture. Though for the past decade it's gone way down hill. The programming is all reality TV shows and scripted shorts. Lately it's been relatively intelligent though. And the Buried Life is just plain inspirational. It's about five guys, all gorgeous and goofy, who write a long list about everything they want to do before they die. Then they do it. And for everything they do for themselves they help someone else achieve their dream. It's incredibly inspiring. I suggest everyone watch it because happiness isn't always about the day to day moving along of things, the cleaning state of mind, the pure body, or even the connection to something greater. Sometimes happiness is the high after achieving something great.

Tomorrow when you're bored with everything sit down and write out something you'd love to do before you die. And find some way to do it. Mine: Make a Youtube Video.

Pursuit of Happiness: Do what you want to do before you die now!

Aquarius

Wow, it's been a crazy night. You know, there's a whole lot I dont write here in my blog about my life. I keep things out for fear of hurting certain people. I could bring up stories and tales that would make your ears bleed and your eyeballs pop out of your head. I could tell the truth and upset people. I could do anything but say what's on my mind for respect for a certain person. Because I love that person even if they make me crazy angry and drive out away from my daughter in the middle of the night to make sure their okay, and be the bigger person and apologize, and take the long awkward ride back home. I could... but I wont. Instead i'll leave you with this.

Overview

Hesitating before you speak hasn't ever been something you've been good at or enjoyed much. With the stars feeling fiery and impulsive and currently whooping it up in your house of conversation and communication, be warned that keeping quiet (no matter what the consequences) may be even more difficult for you now. Now that you know, you can still say it -- but you really should at least try to say it nicely. Why aggravate anyone unnecessarily?

Maybe I should listen to my horoscope most often.

Pursuit of Happiness: Find wisdom in even the silliest things.

Yikes

Sorry I haven't blogged in two guys. I'm kind of bummed its January and i've already almost missed my quota. But the past few days have been busy. A lot of growing and a whole lot of experiencing. For one, I went on a date to go see Avatar which was brilliant. I hadn't seen a movie in over a year. So, sitting through an entire movie in the theater was awesome. And Avatar was an experience. It was like nothing I'd ever seen before. Though the script was a complete rip off of Pocahantas, they did an excellent job at creating an atmosphere. It was nice just to do something for myself. So, I suggest everyone go see it. It's a great movie with a great message.

Pursuit of Happiness: Go see Avatar! Trust me.

Today was also a great day with great opportunities to go. For too long i've been holding myself back because of fear. I hold on to all these things and people that i've grown attached to- too afraid to let go and just be myself. It's whats holding my back in a lot of ways. The fear of losing what I have even if what I have isn't that great or the fear of moving forward in my life because of how i'll look. I'm so afraid I dont even go out and make new friends. So, today I did two things. One, I went to go to this Troutdale Mom's Meeting which was extra scary for me. I'm super introverted not to mention awkward. Going to a Mom's Meeting was like going straight into the Lion's Den when you're far younger than anyone else there. Not to mention extremely new. But after awhile I settled in and it was nice. Everyone there was so sweet and I learned a lot. Then I went knife throwing with my friends Eric, Travis, and Jessica. That was an extra release. It's something i've always wanted to do, but I didn't because I was afraid i'd hurt myself. But I didn't hurt myself and it was a lot of fun. It was great just to let loose of all these anger thats been weighing all my shoulders and throw a knife at a fence.

We hold onto so much never willing to let go and move on. Whether it'd be big fears or little fears. It's what holds us back alot. So for today's happiness I suggest conquer one fear. Even if it's super small. Just go and do it. I promise it'll make you feel good.

Pursuit of Happiness: Conquer your fears and change the world!

Winter Cleaning.

Tomorrow is MLK day. A great day where union people got off work and so do kids. So here's a plan. Clean. I know we're all freaking out over money, friends, obligations, and everything else under the big great sun but I think it's really time to let go of your thoughts, forget about your detox, and clean.

What you surround yourself with is very important. Why do you think Kanye West has a ceiling painting of him surrounded by angels as the god of music? Everything from what you put on your walls to where you put your bed creates a mantra for what you do on the daily basis. So, even if you enjoy your mess tomorrow try organizing it in a way thats manageable. So that we dont get to a place of mental instability again.

Pursuit of Happiness #17: take out the trash.

Tip: Make a fun playlist that'll keep you going for as long as you need. Here's mine:

Timothy Said So.

Todays been intense. It all reads on my horoscope. I've been crazy emotional super insecure and driving myself crazy. I over think a lot. That's my problem. I've become a house wife and I was never meant to be one. I just jump around all day cooking, cleaning, and taking care of a beautiful baby girl. Sometimes I even watch soap operas. But all these soaps and not seeing the sun has me in a twist. I'm going stir crazy. I'm finding things to be upset about and tearing up old wounds. And no matter what A.Grey says he's the problem. Geeze, no wonder most of us went crazy and burned our bras.

So, today's lesson is about mental health. Mental health is seriously important. You could be completely in shape and hold a perfectly balanced life, but if you're not mentally stable just forget about it. All the helping people in the world cant balance your mind. It's important that you take time out to do things for yourself. Even if it's resetting and getting a baby sitter so you can take a nap; or even lay in bed staring at the ceiling for a few hours. Get out of the house and feel the fresh air on your skin or watch a really cheesy movie (I watched Bring It On) and enjoy. We've all got a lot going on in our lives. It's hard to be Kelly Ripa. No one can do it all. So, take an Omega 3 Fish Oil tablet, have some vitamins, and let your mind rest.

Oh, I hear my husband opening up the liquid vitamins for me to drink in before I turn to my book.

Pursuit of Happiness #16: Tune on, Turn in, and Drop out. And let your mind go.

Oh the fuzzies

I've been reading all the books lately and I noticed. Almost all of them refer to happiness as a purely self indulgant act. Not once in magazine or a book have I seen anything about helping other people. Even Tony Robbins focuses on helping yourself. What about the joy that comes from helping others? Angelina Jole does it. Why can't we?

Today I focused my day on helping my mom. She's been very sick lately and she hasn't been able to do this video for a contest for a potter wheel thats been very important to her. I could tel by the way she freaked out without even asking for my help. So, I went into the monster of a garage (her studio) filled with dirty boxes and cat litter and cleaned it out the best I could. I pushed past the headache and the kidney infection to help her. Cause she's my mom and what's important to her is important to me.

So, tomorrow or today try helping someone achieve just one goal. Even if it's tiny. I trust you, the look on their face when they reach it will make you smile.

Pursuit of Happiness #15: Helping others is a step towards helping yourself.

My moms video. Enjoy:

Detox

I woke up today in a whole lot of pain. My kidneys are killing me. So today's post is about detoxing.

Moving past just meditation a lot of our mental illness problems having to do with depression and unhappiness have a lot to do with what we put in our bodies. Because what we eat effects every aspect of our well being. From our skin, to our mental clarity, and our physical abilities. Just eating right can really change a lot in our life. Now, we all know how hard it can be to start a diet and to keep it going. So, when ever I start a new diet or if i'm having issues with my body I do a detox.

To detox is to purge all the yuckiness out of our bodies. There are many different ways to detox for many different problems with our bodies. An extreme would be just drinking water or doing the Mean Girl's diet of drinking Cranberry Juice for 24 hours straight, but thats not necessarily healthy. What I do is I go on "the sick" diet. I drink tons of water during the entire day and eat very simple foods like oatmeal and lentils. And I don't (seriously) put any additives in my food except a little bit of salt. Starting off on the right food helps a whole lot.

So, today try a simple detox of bland healthy foods and always have a bottle of water in your hands. Remember: What you put in your body effects every part of your being.

Pursuit of Happiness: Detoxify away.

Just a trick: Taking a MacDonald's straw or getting a fountain water helps you drink more water, because MacDonald's straws are wider on the inside but not as long so you drink more without even knowing it. Darn you, MacDonald's. Trick ones.

Detox

Starting on a high note. The key to changing your life around is reeducating yourself and that can't start until you purge yourself of all the emotional baggage that comes with unhappiness. Many people do this many different ways. You meet tons of people with addictions that have turned to God or Buddha or fundamentalism to keep themselves grounded. It's easy to find structure in those things knowing that there's always someone (or something) there watching over you and making sure you're doing good in the world. It's an easy way to set yourself at peace but are you ever really at peace if you're always looking up? What you need to do is learn to be happy with just you. Every other idea or thought aside.

My mother always says that when i'm keeping myself busy i'm hurting myself because what i'm doing is running away. I'm running away from my problems with stuff around me. I never learn just to be by myself in silence. To face myself in the mirror and accept me for all that I truly am. I actually think thats the hardest thing to do in life. Accepting others for faults is easy but accepting yourself is down right improbable. But never impossible.

So, today find time to just try to meditate. Usually people automatically think robes and long beaded necklaces but i'm talking about the mediation that goes with silence. Right before you go to bed or when you have a free chance turn off every electronic around you. Try to keep the noise as low as possible. And just let your mind wander to a better place. Breath in. Breath out. And say hello to the silence that is you being you.

Pursuit of Happiness: Meditation is Key.

Giraff.

Todays been eventful, productive, and tiring all in one. A lots been on my mind but mostly it's been one thing. How insecure I am. As accomplished as I feel at the end of the night I go to bed not even being able to look at my own face in the mirror.

I'm crazy insecure. I frankly don't know how I got this way. Maybe it was growing up with out a father constantly trying to make up for it with different dreams. Or maybe it was my mother juggling so many things that I felt left out a lot. Or maybe it's the last few years when things have gotten at their worst. Or maybe its just me. I think back and I can't remember a time when I didn't feel bad about myself. I know i'm not entirely unattractive or horrible, but I still can't help this feeling of complete ugliness. All the people I've ever met that I thought were truly beautiful weren't beautiful because of how they looked per-say but because of who they were as people. Even models who everyone revers as being beautiful are usually gawky and strange looking but they're beautiful because they're confident. And I'm just not.

The past couple years have been the worst because i've constantly been bogged down. Every time I lost the extra pounds or got a compliment there was something that ripped the rug out from under my feet. Especially things with A.Grey. It hurts to think that i'm not good enough for even my husband but thats how it's become. And now i'm this estranged insecure sad little person who lives her life at home watching soap operas and wondering if A.Grey is going to do something to hurt me again.

And now I read this and I realize: this blog is supposed to be about finding happiness. Not complaining every day about how i'm unhappy? REWIND!

This needs to be focused on other people. I need to be focused on other things. If I spend my entire life wondering if my hair looks like the correct amount of messiness or if i'm thin enough i'm going to drive myself crazy! So from now on each posting is going to be a tip for my readers (whoever they are) on how to be happy. :)

Pursuit of Happiness: Rewiring an idea to fit a new situation can have an awesome outcome.

Poor Elijah

There wasn't must to today. And sometimes thats good.

Pursuit of Happiness #11: Sometimes happiness is being uneventful.

UGH!

One insi-winsy little posting on my facebook as turned into a huge mess of people ganging up on this guy i'll call (Deeply Wounded N). DWN is this guy i've been talking to for a long time now. We met back in high school. He's one of those people whose constantly dealing with a crisis for some reason or another. Every other day it's a new suicide note about how his life's gone down hill. And it's never ever his fault. I understand the emotion in a way. I was like that for a long time and sometimes I do feel like that. And I mean, everyone needs someone to complain to right? But it's the least to say all the advice and help has been weihning on my view of him as a person.

Everyone around me has been fed up with the million text messages from him. So, he posted something slightly rude. I didn't mind it because it's just how he is. And everyone in my family attacked him. It's a double edged sword. They're sticking up for me in one of the greatest ways possible, but I feel bad. Because I know he's there in front of his computer probably crying about how we're ganging up on him. It's not good to get bullied or picked on even if it's long over due. So, here's my predicament. Do I apologize and keep giving him advice because I feel bad even though I know he's just one of those people who likes to play damsel in distress or do I just let it go and move on with my life where I have a wonderful child who deserves more of my attention than i'm giving her?

Hmm.... Rooting for the underdog does not work when you're the bigger dog...

Pursuit of Happiness #10: Sometimes doing them a service is actually doing them a disservice because they never learn to fend for themselves.

THATS MY CUP!

Now, I dont want to sound like too much of a snobby putrid ANTM contestant, but, lyke things in the house have been really crazy. Everyone's getting to each other and it's really hard. You know? OMG.

But seriously, it's been crazy today. I ended in two screaming matches with two different people. It's just hard living in a three bedroom house of almost 10 people. We've got people freaking out over who drank whose milk or who used whose coffee. We've got others screaming about what toys go where and when. And all in all it makes for a stressful environment to work in for someone whose very easily distracted. In the end none of that matters because my father lost his father. My grandfather. Without going into too much detail he's passed away and i'd like to give a little poke toward my grandmother Nancy Bass. I hope you're doing better and let this cheer you up a little. It may not be much but it is something. :)

Pursuit of Happiness #9: BABY! Enough said.

ZenCoffee and a CupofJoe

This morning was pretty bad but nothing I cant handle. My mother and father got in a car accident and my father hurt his back. My husband got his license suspended and forgot his lunch. And Violet threw food in my face. Surprisingly I wasn't too upset though. I've come to realize when dealing with big bad situations there's always one person that has to remain calm and collected for everyone else. And sometimes it pays to be that one person. Plus, Violet was feeling better so that was a big win. I was done letting things get to me! Then I got a letter from Richard...

Richard is the beautiful little Philippine boy we sponsored on the bank account that recently got close because of a 500 dollar conglomeration of overdraft fees. I know it's kind of disingenuous to the fact that i'm a super poor young adult with a child of my own to sponsor a child I can't pay for. But the guy who was telling me about the children was making me feel sad and I was going baby crazy at the time. Why have another child I cant pay for when I can give hope to a child already born I can't pay for? Selfish... It's so selfish... Anyways, so he sent me this:

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Sturgis,

Good day to you! Hope you're in good health and happy with our peers. While me here, I am in good health with the caring of my family. My family and I was happy for choosen me as part of your family and we realy appreciate and thankful to you. So far, I am in grade one and I am the 4th among the 6th siblings. We are 3boys and 3girls. My hobby is singling and I love to play bicycle. My free time are saturday and sunday. I also help to my parents for their fish vending. Anyway, thank you so much for your help and I count you as part of my family too. God bless and have a nice day.

Richard

Now, i'm not dumb. I know they probably pay kids to write these things because the kids they're actually helping- especially if they're in first grade- aren't that eloquent. I've seen fourth graders here that aren't that great with words. Of course I could be wrong because, frankly, as a country we suck when it comes to education. But it made me a little happier. This kid has a family, a life, friends. He has things apart from mine in a completely different culture. It's sad to think that we have to make ourselves feel better with these letters that probably arent real. I mean, come on. A phillipino child named Richard? Anyways, here's my letter back.

Dear Richard,

I'm very happy to hear from you. It's great to know that I am part of your family and you are apart of mine. Even though we haven't met. I hope you're doing well in school and working hard. Always listen to your elders. They have the best advice to give. Try to read as much as possible. The best lessons I ever learned were from reading books and watching people. There's no place you cant ever get to if you don't know how to observe, listen, and try your best. If you know you're always trying your best you can never lose. I know, that in the future you will reach any goals you have and become what you want to. Just remember, happiness is a state of mind. No amount of problems you have with the outside world can ever get to you if you're happy with yourself.

I hope we can meet soon.

-Megean McBride-Sturgis

Now, my biggest lesson in life is exactly what I told him. And though i'm still progressing as a person I have a very long way to go. So, no more! Thats it! I'm going to be like Kris Jenner from now on! I'm going to lock that money dowwwwnnn. I'm going to help who ever is on the other side of the letter. And i'm going to find happiness in a cup of coffee. Which is surprisingly what's making me very happy right now.

Pursuit of Happiness #8: You can learn great things from even the smallest people.

TOMG!

I'm supposed to be writing a book. I made a goal to write the end 50,000 by the end of the month. I'm only at four thousand. I should be writing right now while the sick baby is asleep but instead I'm watching the OC. Why? Well, because I'm blocked. But mostly because I'm lazy. I could be creating a masterpiece but instead I find myself lost in a sea of teen angst.

I grew up watching soap operas. Sometimes I would stay home from school just to watch them all day with my mom. Strangely enough those are some of my favorite memories. Soap operas are like Sci-Fi's to me. They're totally normal one moment and the next there's some crazy monster coming out of no where to devour everyone! "Johnson Peppi Fabrae! I, Melissa Pumpernickle, am sorry but I cannot be your lover. Because, you see, I am actually your twin sister seperated at birth raised by your uncle Joey to be a psociopath!" It's just awesome. I miss it.

I sit here watching until a commercial when I turned to Snapped! Suddenly my world is turned completely upside down. If you've ever seen that show: well, it's scary. Women doing things that you know they're capable of and that you've maybe always thought about doing. It's frightening. And thats when I turned to look at my little daughter with a smile. I've got to do this for her. I've got to write. So, i'll let this be my inspiration.

Pursuit of Happiness #7: Force yourself day by day to reach your dreams even if you're feeling lazy.

Sicky

I woke up this morning in a wonderful mood to the sound of the movement of High Voltage Violet sleeping next to me. Aaron had gone off to work around 7:30 leaving us to wake up on our own time. It was nice just settling into the day listening to the rustling of the wind. It was the silence. Then...

"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

High Voltage Violet snapped me out of my morning daze and into the day with crying. She was sick. Icky, sneezing, runny nose, coughing, fussiness- sick. She crawled over to me crying, 'Momma' and then laid her head on my shoulder and fell back asleep. This day has been an interesting one full of dirty diapers, snotty tissues, drool filled toys, and food fights. I've had to juggle about a million things on my mind while I try to juggle chicken in one hand and a baby in the other. But in the end: Nothings better than taking care of her. Even if she makes it a little difficult sometimes.

Pursuit of Happiness #6: Sometimes happiness is taking care of someone else.

Hi mom!!!

Okay, i'm super excited so i'm posting tomorrows "POHRBLOG" today. Want to know why i'm excited? Yeah? Well, the results are right on the screen.

:)

My mom is now following my blog. And my mom is like the coolest person ever. She's an online enigma. She's an awesome artist. She's my best friend. I know it's dorky but I mean, wouldn't you want to be friends with the person who created, raised, and calculated almost every thought and issue you've got in your head now? I would. Man, i'd give that person a metal considering the hell i've put her through just in the past year. I was a pretty good kid when I was younger because I was weird and dorky, and I had no friends. My other two sisters have always been a little cooler than I. My older one, (Runs With Sizzors) was supper wild in her youth. I mean, sneak out-party-get-drunk-make-your-sister-clean-up-the-mess crazy. She's recently calmed down with an ex DJ/Bad Boy, whose really a big teddy bear kid, Snuff. My younger sister (Turtle) is the most sensible person in the world. We take that into account when we describe what she is, which is ginger. We make fun of her for it mostly becaus

e we've all watched too much South Park and because we're jealous. She's only 14 and she's the smartest person in the house even though her teenage hormones are taking over. She's always getting on our case about moms health and me about my writing. If I were lost in a city somewhere i'd want her.

My mom at my age was raising a child by herself, going to school, and working full time in the middle of no where Kansas. She tells me every time I complain about not having enough time in the world to do my job. When I think about how she raised us kids alone I can't fathom the kind of work she did. Or how much she put up with. I freak out now about having someone to watch the baby while I do dishes or the fact that i'm writing a novel and trying to teach Violet how to walk early, but she had to raise three kids, have a thriving art career, and hold a full job. Let alone try to keep up a household. Sometimes at night after i've put Violet down for the night I like to go over and just bask in the glory that is my mother while I suck the life out of her. :)

And now I have thee legend on my blogspot following me! I feel awesome about it. So, just posting today.

Pursuit of Happiness Rule #5: Spilling some for your homies every once in awhile. Even if that homie is your mommy.

Last night just as we got everyone settled down to bed my husband (we'll call him Mr. Grey for reference) and I started talking. Recently we've been smacked with a lot of drama amongst our friends. It's ended in us both losing our closest friends that we've had for years. And it all started on our wedding night.

My best friend (we'll call her by my nickname for her Muffin) has been my best friend for a few years now. We met back in high school. She was an established young choir singer with small group of childhood friends that walked all over her and I was just a new kid from SoCal who was looking to get into the scene. I sat right in front of her in choir. We became friends when she leaned over and touched the bottom of my hair saying it was a pretty color. I had just died it a bright blue like it had been dipped in paint. We were best friends ever since. I would stick up for her and she would bake me cookies. Everyone honestly didn't believe it. She was so sweet and I was so loud and obnoxious. But we made a good team. We both have a lot of self esteem issues but she had the worst. I got mad because she let people walk all over her. So I taught her how to stand up for herself! I did everything I could to keep in contact when I skipped school to go to college early. I tried to be a true friend and I always put her first. We became so close I made her the godmother to my daughter and my maid of honor.

She returned the favor by barely helping me with wedding plans. Freaking out during my entire wedding and not being there for me. And then a little while afterward trying to make it seem like her and my husband were having an affair. I knew they weren't but it was a still a bitchy way to handle the situation. And I dont do drama well.

A.Grey and his best friend (I'll just write his actual name here) Bryan had been friends since high school too. Actually, funny thing. Bryan got him kicked out of school. A.Grey and Bryan were into some bad stuff and because Bryan thought they might get caught he ratted A.Grey out to the principle. A.Grey, not knowing this until just recently, took the fall for him even though he couldn't gotten a full ride to college. Bryan then turns around with his diploma and goes into the Navy. There were signs he wasn't a nice guy but we all kind of pushed them aside because A.Grey held out hope. That was until Bryan had an ongoing relationship with a girl who constantly bragged about cheating and lying too. As if treating another human being with such disrespect was something to brag about. It made me angry. I would never treat even my worst enemy the way he treated her.

It ended in Bryan trying to save his relationship with her, when she found out everything, by talking trash about my family and A.Grey. He used the words, "A bunch of poor losers that aren't going anywhere in life" and then talked about my mom saying she was a B. Thats when it made me mad! NO ONE TALKS ABOUT MY MOMMA! So I sent him a nasty letter. I probably shouldn't have. I might've made some gay navy jokes...

And thats when I got to thinking. A.Gray and I have always treated everyone we know like family. It's us until the end riding into battle golden as the sun! But thats not necessarily the rules of the game. And when we lose someone close it hurts. But thats what makes us stick together even with all of our problems. A.Grey's done some pretty messed up stuff to me and I to him. But thats the consequence of unconditional love.

So, todays rule is a mix. Sometimes being happy is kicking someone out of your life that didn't need to be there in the first place. Life is too short to have friends that dont react like friends. And when A.Grey and I sunk back into bed to fall asleep to Worst Cooks in America laughing about the horrible boiled chicken incident I was happy where I was. Even if we were still working through some stuff.

Pursuit of Happiness #4: Choose your friends wisely.

Inuyasha = Twilight

So, I wake up this morning and I rush to my blog. Agad! One follower and it's me!

No one is listening. The thoughts of how unfor-filling it is to be talking to a blank screen rush through my mind at a thousand miles a minute. What if no one ever listens? What if this resolution was all for nothing because if they're not finding happiness I cant! Who is they? It's upsetting to think that an eighteen year old statistically bound mother is writing in a blog to a bunch of free internet space. There are so many things I want to do with my life and this just takes up time. But it is a stepping stone. How can I ever be successful if I can never be happy with the everyday mundane? It's a tricky subject.

But thats when my husband slinks over to me carrying our little daughter High Voltage Violet with a big smile on her face like sunshine making me realize that this wasn't for anyone else but me and her. And I sink off into the background to go hold her thinking that I dont need anything else in the world. Not even the paparazzi of imaginary people in my head. And until she can fathom up a word as big as fan i'll just be my own for her.

Pursuit of Happiness #3: Sometimes it's okay to be your biggest follower.

Number Two

I've been dreading this blog. To start is one thing. To continue is another. It's taken me all day to even think of what to write about because my heads been such a mess and it really all comes back to my husband.

I was in the middle of making a banana cream and dark chocolate pie with a lemon/ginger crust and my husband walks in the kitchen to cook pasta. Immediately I was thrown off my cooking game. My stomach started aching, my head was pounding, I forgot the ingredients, and I started hating what I was making. Thats when I came to the realization that I still have some serious deep seeded issues with my husband.

The day was like any other day. I woke up and took care of High Voltage Violet watching her jump from mess to mess getting into as much trouble as a 10 month old can get into. I cleaned, cooked, argued with a friend, sent a nasty message to an enemy, boggled my head on where next to go in my book, and finished off with a nice salad for dessert. I've been kind of a walking blob lately. I've just felt completely out of tune with myself. It's mostly due to the fact that I'm burnt out when it comes to writing. I've been doing 50,ooo words a month and taking care of a child and trying to fix a marriage. It gets to be pretty hard work. So for the past couple of days i've let myself be distracted by things I love like cooking. Until my husband trekked into the kitchen and cooked a mean pasta.

You see, for the seven years i've known him we've been through a lot. We've gone through being poor, young, working through drug addictions, "porn" addictions, having a baby, feeling abandoned, abusive tendencies, and jealousy. I've gone just as much as he's done probably. But little by little he's kind of destroyed any confidence I had in what ever I was doing. Because when you take an overzealous over achiever with a low self esteem and pair her with a golden boy from southern Florida you're bound to end in a pit fall. First it was the addictions, then it was the abandonment, then it was the pushing, the jealousy, and then it was the self esteem. Aaron has a way of making everyone in the room looking at him. He's so charismatic and nice to be around. But he's also super competitive and one of his main goals is to beat me into the ground at everything. Every passion i've had i've learned to let go because he had to be better at it. Especially cooking which is one of my favorites. So, when I began to bake the pie today and he walked by all I could think about were the critiques and faces he would make when he ate it. How horrible it was or how it needed this spice or that topping. It made me loose it all together.

But then I thought of my blog. And I thought of the long term out comes of being upset by the situation. I could just give up on the pie right then, sulk in the corner and play with my child's blocks until he tried to out-do me at a Lego making contest. Or I could take a deep breath, realize that being happy is a process and if I don't try i'll never achieve it, and keep going. So thats what I did. I let it roll right off the red sports sweater I was wearing and onto the flour covered floor. It's not that I was pushing it down forever only to burst out at the least possible moment or that I was going to let him get away with it. It was just that I was letting myself try without the golden boy critic getting too ahead of me.

So todays lesson:

The Pursuit of Happiness #2: Getting distracted by pie always helps!

The Starting Line

I’m that girl! You know, that girl you knew once in 5th grade when you were still young but felt tall. The one that was two heads bigger than everyone else and always wore the same hippie moon shirt. The one with the really badly cut bangs and the goofy smile who had a poor artistic mother who was still in college but still tried to fit in- in girl scouts. You know? The one in 7th grade that cut off all her hair and went Goth for a year because she realized that fitting in was impossible when you are an easy target. The one that had an altar ego when AOL was still going strong and missed out on the cash involved when it went down. Yep! That one that in high school blatantly told you she liked you, which freaked you out because she didn’t know how to play the game before hand. The same one that only hung around boys because she didn't know how to interact with girls and that moved up early to college because junior year got boring in the academics department. The same one that in college was too loud and too colorful to miss. Yes. I’m that girl! Remember me?

Hello, I’m Megean McBride. I'm an 18 year old with a caffeine and exercise addiction, a genius husband who cant get his mind to work productively, a spiritually bipolar family, and the most beautiful daughter in the entire universe. For the past year I've graduated school early with a college and high school diploma, got married, had a baby, and got accepted with honors to PSU, nearly got a divorce, gained one eating disorder, lost one huge self esteem, and fought my way through postpartom depression. Meanwhile the past two months I've been writing a book that i'm a few hundred pages into. I've been writing seriously just recently but I've been blogging all my life. I call it the cash cow of my generation. We tend to be really great at commercializing our self-deprecation. And with my collection of "Child of a Crazy Artist" stories and mismatching socks I can be as self-deprecating as it gets. But honestly i'm just a dorky girl in front of a computer blasting Run DMC in the background chomping on homemade lemon chicken and writing on blogspot. I know there's a million of me out there but I'm just one.

The past year as been really hard. I've had a lot of things thrown at me and a whole lot of deep seeded issues come to a boiling point. By the end the only thing that kept me moving was the fact that I was moving. I've gone through the past 18 years or so of my life dreaming of something bigger than myself and lately i've felt like i've just become one big fat walking cliche. I have all this potential and a complete inability to put it to work. But not anymore. I'm though with being the dreamer but never the dream. I want to be a leading lady and not just best friend material. And I am most definately done being the quirky damsel in distress. This year has come to a head with one short blog that's taken me all day to force myself to write. You may not know much about me now but you will.

Because my New Years Resolution is this: to find the true meaning of happiness going one vlog or blog at a time. Each day for the next year i'm going to write a blog and at the end of each blog is going to be a little tidbit about how to be happy. Because in reality, does anyone truly know what happiness is? I mean, we have so many people searching for it. We've got monks that go off in the mountains and meditate for years. We've got lush rock stars that for-fill their dreams with booze, alcohol, and chicks. We've got Tom Cruise which is pretty much self explanatory. Heck, we've even got a tidbit in the Declaration of Independence about the pursuit of happiness. They tell us happiness is what we make of it but how do we make it? With a splash of lemon or lime?

I'm just another human being like any of you asking the tough questions. I'm not particularly smart or witty. I dont have the most sculpted body in the world and I probably stress eat just as much as you guys do. I may not even have style. But I have ME. And thats all I can be when fighting the worst foe of all- ME. I mean, Me. Wait...

Pursuit of Happiness Trick #1: Pushing yourself to start.